Conversations!

'Listening well is as powerful as talking well, and is also as essential to true conversation!' says a Chinese proverb! Very well said; but in real life, we all know it is so rare to find this phenomenon. The reality is that 'no man will listen to your talk if he didn't know it was his turn next!', so goes another proverb!

Just try talking to anyone, even your close friend, about something. But do not mistake his silent gaze for his attention! He or she is just getting ready to tell you something , anything, which happened not yesterday or a week before, but maybe ten or fifteen years back! And it may not be relevant to what you are saying. You see, he is just waiting for his or her turn! I have a friend who also happens to be senior to me in rank and service. (I served in the army!). Whenever I cross him during my morning walks, I try to avoid him. Please do not misunderstand; he is very nice, a real gentleman. Only, I dare not open a conversation with him without the risk of his telling me a long story (for the nth time!) how he as a subaltern managed a party on a Sunday afternoon way back in 1963 at the last minute after his Commanding Officer on the spur of the moment, invited the Brigade commander to lunch after a game of golf!

I have another dear friend who shares with me our weakness for an occasional evening out, spent over a couple of drinks.  I look forward to meeting him once in a while when I am in a mood. 'After the rain the grass will grow, after wine, conversation'! True to this adage, we start off an evening full of promise. After a couple of drinks though, the conversation falters. My friend gets a little forgetful and then repeats a joke he has told  fifty times before, which is fine. But repeating it the same evening for the third time is a little too much, you will agree! Only a close friend can get away with this!

Friends come in many colors and flavors in terms of conversation. There are those jovial guys who will start with a big thump on your shoulder and such resounding hello 'what is happening man!', you almost collapse! Then the guy who shakes your hand so vigorously while asking 'how are you?', you fear a dislocation and almost answer, 'I will be fine if you just release my hand, Sir'! I have another friend who simply must discuss the political scene right there on the road side and give his expert opinion as to who will be the next prime minister and from which party! And of course, there are countless those who have to shed light on the subject of cricket and the inevitable great Sachin Tendulkar, and why it is high time he must hang up his boots and retire!

It is argued that men like to debate, a masculine trait; conversation is for the women, it is feminine! (Alcott). This implies that women are far better than men conversation wise. This reminds me of the lament of Rex Harrison (Prof Higgins in 'My Fair lady') when he sings, 'Why can't a woman be more like a man?' which is a total antithesis of this proposition in general terms. Seriously, enjoyable conversation is a treat which can be served and savored in any company. I marvel at those people, men and women who always talk in a soft voice, never raise it and yet hold listeners spell bound by virtue of their knowledge on a given subject and their sincerity.

Listening to children is one of the best rewards in the realm of conversation where you can easily forget that you are an adult and may be more knowledgeable. Though, don't be too sure! I treasure my very frequent conversations with my youngest grandchild who is barely eleven. The other day, he narrated to me about the mock election conducted in his class at his school in which he took part. He told me, he voted for Obama. 'Why did you do that?', I asked him. To which he replied, 'because he is always smiling'. In this election year in US, I wish things were so simple for adults! A few years back when he was just seven years of age, he explained to me very solemnly about formation of clouds and how it is followed by rains. He also educated me about the four seasons, summer, autumn, winter and spring, how they come and go in succession year after year.

All said and done, I feel that conversation with oneself is the best way to come to terms with life. Imagine the sheer volume of communication happening all round, whether on cell phones/phones, through TV shows, movies or when you are on your lap tops! Add to this the direct exchanges with real people, and a stage comes in our daily 24-hour cycle when we want to be left alone, away from this maddening world, even if for just a few minutes. We need this break to converse with oneself. Can you just walk away for a little while, for a one-to-one conversation , alone with yourself!